A Year in Review

As I look back over this year, I realize how truly blessed I am. I reunited with my dear college friend, I got to spend Thanksgiving with my family, I started a new blog, and I watched my children evolve into teenager/adults. It has been a good year.

What do I wish for the new year? Peace. Of course in the world, in our country, in my state, in my city, in my home, but mostly in my heart. I hope that I can live in the now and enjoy 2009 to the fullest, not looking back or looking forward.

I will leave you with the same wish that you will find peace in 2009.

Until next year!
Mrs. M

Downtime

Downtime is such a wonderful thing. I love the pace of our lives right now. There is absolutely nothing that NEEDS to be done. (especially since we did laundry on Friday) We are free to sleep late, go to bed late, read all day, watch TV all day. We are on our own timetable. It is peaceful. This is the time each year when we usually go to the beach. It is the only week of the year in which everyone in our family is free. We spend this time rejuvenating ourselves and our ties with family. This year, as I think I have mentioned, the beach house we go to is under renovation. Actually it is torn down and a new one is being built in its place. So we are staying home. The problem is that all of Missy and Buddy's friends have also stayed home this year. So we have barely seen Buddy. Missy has been around a bit more, but Buddy is rarely here. We are rejuvenating ourselves this year, but not our ties with each other. As the time for Buddy to leave us gets closer and closer, I am treasuring each moment with him.

Next year we are going to the beach come hell or high water!!!

Till next time,
Mrs. M

MERRY CHRISTMAS?

First of all, I and all the M's wish you a very merry Christmas!! I hope your day is bright and filled with peace.

I must write this before I lose it. I will need to reread this over and over again I fear. This morning was a bit difficult. Just a bit ago, as Mr. M and I were talking he said, "You know the worst part of the morning for me was watching you watch Missy. The disappointment was all over your face as she failed to appreciate each gift she was given." He went on to say that our kids are in the transition period. They can still vividly remember the magic of Christmas morning from when they were little but now, that magic eludes them. Thus there is a sense of loss.

Transition. That is a word that I do not like to hear or deal with. Since I read the book Raising a Spirited Child 6 years ago, I recognize inside me a spirited child. This simply means I feel more, I love more, I hate more. In other words I feel intensely. I would say that I am probably at 5x the normal person. Spirited people don't deal well or easily with transition because it is hard to shift gears when going at such high speeds. With time, maturity and practice we get better, but never truly master it. So by saying my children are going through a transition time, means so am I. I had to transition myself from the magic of my childhood to adulthood at Christmas, but then I got to experience it again through my children's eyes. Now as they transition out of this time, again, I need to do the same. But since I am more mature now, and older, and had more practice, it is a bit easier. It is hard to face the realities of my world. But I set my eyes on the now. I have a happy, healthy family who love me. We have a home, food on our table and plenty of love.

I must run now and get the dinner on the table. We will start a new tradition today, going to a movie as a family. As we transition, we will look for new ways to remember that family is where the magic is.

Until next time,
Mrs. M

Later That Day

After I posted on Saturday, I spent the day being pampered by my friends. These moms are "parent" friends. Our daughters all hang out together. We have all become close recently and just at the right time in our lives. Anyway, we went to lunch, then a movie, then Barnes and Noble for browsing and coffee. We then came back to my house where elves disguised as my Missy and her friends - JoJo, Abs, Meredith, and KoKo (made up names of course), had cleaned my house, baked a cake and prepared dinner!!!! On top of everything they had each made me cards. It was so interesting to see the cards and how they matched each girls' personalities. So after dinner we read cards and I opened a present from Missy. It was a photo album, the slip in photo kind. The title page said, The Top Ten Reasons I Love My Mom. It continued to list reasons and had cooresponding photos to go with it. I wept. One of the things that made it so touching was that she named the exact things that I have been so sad about. She named it. She knows. And she was thanking me for sticking with her. I will cling to that album. I will peruse it often over the next few years. I will stick by her side no matter what, and I will know that somewhere deep inside her heart, she knows I am here and is grateful.

Happy Holidays and until next time,
Mrs. M

The Holidays

My cold turned into a sinus infection! But Wednesday I got a strong antibiotic and after a nap on Thursday woke up feeling human again. How nice. Luckily Mr. M went shopping with me yesterday and we finished up the purchasing. We are having a very thrifty Christmas. I am very proud of the deals I have found! Maybe later I will post more on that. Don't want to spoil any secrets!!!

My heart is full these days. It feels just when I get my head and heart around being a mom to a teenage girl, something gets out of whack. My head knows that this is all normal. I know that Missy is trying to seperate herself from me and is trying her hand at being independent from her family. I know that it must be really hard for her, because we do have a pretty good friendship and have lots in common. I realize there is a deep dependency on me whether she acknowledges it or not. I KNOW all of this. But my heart still hurts. When I see her in pain and know that she really wants me to try to make it all better, but at the same time REALLY does NOT want me to try to make it all better, I hurt for her. What a hard place to live. When I wake in a really good mood only to be hit by her negativity, it is more than I can take at times. It hurts my heart. You see my head and my heart just aren't in this together.

So, here we are in this Christmas season, or advent as I wrote about earlier. A season of expectancy. For me, I am waiting for the healing that I know will come between me and Missy. I will pray for hope to be first and foremost in my life.
I will pray for peace to settle in my heart.
I will pray for joy to find its way into our lives this Christmas.
I will pray that love will conquer all.

Happy Holidays to everyone!
Till next time,
Mrs. M.

So many things to talk about, yet so little energy. I am struggling with a cold that just won't go away. It is now traveling done to my chest. ARGHHH!! So, let's just begin.

Here are some photos of my my trip during Thanksgiving. I had such a good time with my friend, M. She is such a hoot.

I tried to teach her to knit.....well....the photo speaks for itself!!!

We went out to eat with my suite mate and roommate from college. They are sooo much fun!! I never realized how much I missed them!!

When I start feeling better I will do the video. But it is too cold and I feel too awful at night. So, the video will have to wait.

Sorry this is so choppy. But that is the best I can do.

Till next time,

Mrs. M.

Knitting

I have new socks on the needles. I need to finish one more booty for my friend's baby (he will be born on Friday!!!). And I am thinking about trying to knit a penguin for one of Missy's Christmas gifts. What am I doing on the computer???? I must get moving.

I am hoping to show you all a video of my house, lights and the neighbors lights. Stay tuned....

Till next time,
Mrs. M

It's Beginning To Look A lot Like Christmas....

Our house has lights up outside. This is a first for the M's. We have had the deer and snowman and the Moravian Star for about 5 years. The kids have been pestering us since they were little to put up lights. So, last year I picked up the icicle lights on the after-Christmas sales. It is amazing how things change in a year. Suddenly the idea of putting up lights and putting out the deer was MY idea which of course equals THE WORST IDEA In THE WORLD!!!! But I persevered. With the help of our neighbor's daughter, Missy got the deer set up with the little lake. Buddy attempted to help me hang the lights from the gutters, but once he realized he wasn't getting on top of the roof, soon lost interest. I kept going, I was determined not to let their lack of Christmas spirit deter me. I did have to have the assistance of my neighbor with his longer ladder. But they are up. And I must say, it looks quite nice. I like having lights on my house. I think even Mr. M thought they looked good. (the question is does he like them enough to help put them up in the future). Last night after a full day of church, putting up Christmas decos outside and grocery shopping, I came to a sudden realization. I am doing quite well physically. No more depression! I feel more energetic, more full of light and I am actually getting things done!!!! It was quite a revelation. I am going to enjoy this time that Humira is allowing me. Let's just hope it continues for a long time!!!!

Well, my tree is lit, the fire is blazing and it is 20 degrees outside. Time to get up and start decorating the inside of my home. I am ready to sit down and enjoy the spirit with a cup of coffee, a fire, my knitting, and a Christmas movie on the TV. I better get moving!!!

But before I do, I must post my Monday Menu!!!

Monday - Chili

Tuesday - Chicken Ragu

Wednesday - Church/Soup for Missy

Thursday - Picadillo

Friday - Staff Christmas Dinner / children on their own

Saturday - Omelets

Sunday - Pizza

One day I will even link up my recipes!!!! :-)

Till next time,

Mrs. M

Expectations

If I ever am able to work again and am asked in an interview what my weakness is, I will answer, Expectations. I have not mastered this yet. I keep getting closer, and then I fall on my face. What is the expression....Three steps forward, two steps back? Yea, that is me.

So the success is this past holiday with my family. I set very low expectations. I was careful to not expect my family to be any different than the last thousand times I've been with them. The temptation was strong, since I haven't been home for the holidays in years and years. And we are all older now. But I was determined and didn't give in. The result was a nice holiday. Of course, there were some minor moments...okay, they didn't always FEEL minor...but really, no big stories to tell. (My neighbor had me over for coffee and was QUITE disappointed when there were no juicy stories to share.)

I was privileged to get to spend some time with my college friend, M. It was great. We had so much fun talking and just hanging out. We laid around and laughed and talked! It was just what I needed. We did get together with some other friends from college. My expectation was mixed. I was hoping that we would get together and it would be like old times. But I also worried that it wouldn't and I would be hurt. Again, I was surprised at how well it went. We had all grown up a lot. I was pleased to see that they had begun to see the gray in the world as I had. I am not sure that we see the same amount of gray, but that is okay. It was really nice seeing them, eating, talking, laughing, and laughing!!! I have missed them being in my life. (for the record, I messed up by meeting Mr. M and getting married!!!)

Today my lesson of expectations came to bite me in the ass. I thought I had it all under control. I had let everyone know that TODAY we were going to put up the Christmas tree. Well, Buddy was clear that we would have to wait until after baseball. Missy was clear that she had LOTS to do today as well. Mr. M settled it all when he let me know he wasn't available until 3:30. So we were all shooting for 3:30. This was announced, so I could reign in my expectation of getting it done earlier. I could sit and knit. I could do other things. Everyone else had the same options. I guess I forgot to check the expectation of everyone having a good time and enjoying putting up the tree. It has always been a fun time. Well, okay, there is always some bitching. Mr. M always says something about how many ornaments we have and I usually get defensive. But Buddy and Missy's enthusiasm always overrides our issues. Not this year. Buddy helped. But there was little excitement. Missy didn't even bother to help. It was sad. I was upset. My hopes dashed, all because of my expectation.

This is the season of expectation - Advent. The waiting for Christ to come. In religious circles, there is talk of hope, love, and joy. There is a sense of anticipation in the air. The people in Jesus' day were longing for change. I imagine the feelings of the people were not unlike the feelings of those in the US right now. There is a palpable feeling of anticipation of the change that Barak Obama will bring. A lot of hopes and dreams are being pinned on him. Much as the people placed on Jesus. (Before I lose some of you, I am NOT implying that Barak is Jesus!!) Yet, when Jesus did come, the people were disappointed. Why? Because he was not the messiah they had anticipated. He was a mere baby, gentle and kind.

So what do we learn from this? That we should set our expectations low so as to never get hurt? We should aim for the sky and expect to be dashed to the ground? Or maybe somewhere in between? I think for me, it is being more realistic. Remembering that I can't control all situations, and how people feel and react. Remembering to be open to all possibilities, not locked onto one outcome, but open to any. Because, just as a small baby grew into a wise man who taught us how to live, our disappointments often end up bringing us more joy than we ever could have imagined.

Till next time,
Mrs. M