Saturday, November 15, 2008

In the Driver's Seat

The day arrived. Buddy took the driving test and passed. We came home and needed to go pick up Missy. He asked to do it. I said okay. I gave the directions and handed him the keys, all on auto pilot. Then as he pulled out of the driveway, I woke up. As the car pulled around the curve and out of sight, his life passed before my eyes.

The first time I felt him move in my tummy. My first sight of him. Reading to him at night as he laughed and read along. The twinkle that lit up his eyes. The dimples in his cheeks. Him standing in the window by the door waiting for me to get home. His running and jumping in my arms yelling, "Mommy, Mommy!" Those chubby arms squeezing my neck. Holding his limp body as he struggled to stay with us. Throwing baseball after baseball to him out in the yard. Watching he and Jack play a game that ALWAYS involved a ball. Him holding hands with little girls who were hurt, or sad and trying to make them feel better. Him going to school for the first time. Him taking a deep breath and walking out on the baseball field scared of failure. Watching him succeed time after time on the baseball field. Him making lifelong friends with all kinds of people. Him even playing with Missy and including her, urging her to take risks.

The tight grip I had (or thought I had) of his life, was no longer there. I had to ease up along the way, and now, I was letting go a bit more. It was the hardest thing I have done. But I will not parent out of fear. I will parent out of trust. Trust in my parenting, trust in my son, and trust in the Creator who gave Buddy to me and has him in her arms!

Till next time,
Mrs. M.

No comments: